The art of staying calm
If you have to ask a question on a forum or in a group, ignore the snarky comments and focus on why you asked it and what you can take from the best answers. Ignore the rest. Otherwise you'll regret letting yourself get dragged into an argument.
If you really have to reply, don't take anything personally, and answer matter-of-factly, without emotion, like a psychopath. Don't make personal jabs.
Keep in mind that the people chiming in include those who live differently than you, pay attention to different things, earn different money, have different experiences, grew up in a different environment, see things through the lens of different circumstances, don't know the subject, or are just complete morons. There's no shortage of that last group in particular, and they show an exceptional affinity for the urge to comment.
George Carlin said:
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
I always think of that when I can't believe what I'm reading in the comments.
Churchill also supposedly said that the best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
Just watch some interviews with voters. Most of the time there's no reflection, no knowledge of current events or of the party's platform. Just recycled demagoguery and a whole lot of hatred for the opposing parties.
Watch out for ad hominem attacks. There's always someone who will try to discredit you with personal digs to sway the course of the discussion. Set clear boundaries.
Hmm, could be...
I have a friend who's insanely smart, knows a lot of stuff and connects the dots quickly. He's the ideal person to argue with, because he never gets worked up, he sticks to the facts, and when there's no consensus, he asks lots of questions to steer the other person toward the right line of thinking.
Every now and then we come back to the debate about widespread access to guns. We pull out the whole arsenal of facts, studies, charts, correlations, examples and common sense, but we still usually end up with the sarcastic:
So maybe we should ban knives and driving cars too?
That's when I always realize that some discussions aren't worth starting, because they lead absolutely nowhere, change nothing and usually end in an emotional blowup.
I'd be especially careful at the family dinner table with topics touching on deep personal beliefs or values. Sometimes it's better to keep some things to yourself.
Of course, if you do end up in a discussion with someone, keep in mind that you might be talking nonsense too, and that a lot of what you think you know, you only think you know, because you haven't checked the facts or there are gaps in your knowledge.
Learn to change your mind. Really focus on what the other person is saying, and don't think about what to say back while they're talking.
You'll come out ahead if you listen more than you talk. After all, we have two ears and only one mouth.
When someone questions what you're saying, a safe strategy is to ask why they think so, or ask more clarifying questions, or simply wrap it up nicely with Hmm, could be, without digging any further.
There's no point letting your pride get the better of you. If the topic matters to you, you can check later what the truth is. There's also no need to make anyone feel bad around you.
Madzia likes to say Would you rather be right or keep the relationship? and I think that's very wise.
In the photo, the desk of one of the programmers. I absolutely fell in love with it.